For the last two and a half weeks I have been on a very steady diet of narcotics to keep my pain levels tolerable and to let me try to live like a semi-normal person. Painkillers don't make the ouch go away they simply make it tolerable. The pain was always there, but I could live with it.
Even when I was on the strongest of my painkillers, morphine, I still knew I was in pain, but I didn't really care. I could move around and do people things as long as I was careful not to do anything too quickly or too far. By that I mean, I had to tone down all of my actions. I couldn't reach my arms up or out as far, I couldn't turn my head as much and I couldn't lay down flat. I could do all of those things, but I had to be careful about how I did them.
Painkillers are a powerful thing and I owe them a huge debt of gratitude for helping me after my surgery, but I will be so happy when they're no longer a part of my daily routine. Actually, I may have taken my last one this weekend. My pain has gradually been fading since the moment I woke up and it's been changing as well. What was originally an excrutiating pain in my chest that hurt every time I moved has faded into a lot of muscle aches, stiffness and an occasional reminder from deep inside that I'm still healing.
Since I stopped taking painkillers the muscle aches have increased a little bit and I'm definitely more stiff, but the bright, sparkling pain in my chest in gone. I definitely feel like I have taken a step or two backwards; I'm moving a little bit slower again and I'm more thoughtful about how I position my body; but I think I'll be back to where I was in a couple of days. I just need to get used to the new feelings.
After my last surgery I tried to stop taking painkillers unsuccessfully on two differnt occassions. It was awful. The pain didn't flood back and I wasn't paralyzed with it. The pain crept back slowly, but once it was back it never left. It was impossible to find comfort anywhere or anytime. It made having a body almost unbearable. Thankfully, that didn't happen this time. This time I'm just a bit more in touch with all the parts of my body, there's no more dullness. It's a little more uncomfortable, but I prefer not living my life dependent on pills to make it tollerable.
1 comment:
It's amazing how much I can relate, even though our surgeries were so very different. I had the luxury of being allowed to take Ibuprophren as a narcotic supplement. Can you? Prob.not I suppose. Did I tell you that I got really sick w/ the pain meds. I would fall asleep while trying to eat a cracker, as well as I couldn't hold a conversation and spoke Jibberish. That's when they realized that I was highly senstive to the pain killers and needed to reduce them asap before I overdosed. The pain, like you've mentioned took over beyond explanation. I can't imagine what you're pain levels and discomfort must me like. Anyways, you're a trooper:) Congratulations on your progress. I bet you can poop better now:)
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