Drowning In Darkness

I can hear voices. I can't make out what anyone is saying, but there are two or three people nearby. I push upwards towards the sound but the darkness is thick. I'm tired and the swimming is a lot of work. Suddenly the darkness starts to swirl and pull me back down. I kick harder and struggle to reach the surface. I want to let the voices know that I'm OK. There's an unexplainable need to make contact, but I'm slipping away, the voices are fading and it feels like I'm drowning in black. I'm not scared, just so tired.

This isn't a nightmare I had or a scene from the latest horror movie I saw, it's what waking up from eight hours of anesthesia felt like. I went through this process of general awareness of the people around me to fading away into darkness a couple of times before I finally woke up for the first time (that I remember). Who knows how many times I actually repeated these stages. I'm sure it happened a number of times that I have no memory of. It took me half a day to flush enough of the drugs from my system to remain conscious long enough to remember it.

There are no memories of out of body experiences, tunnels of bright light or opportunities for spiritual enlightenment. In my memory there is a lot of nothing; almost a lack of memory, highlighted by brief periods of lights, talking and physical sensations. It was a struggle to remain awake, and I fought unconsciousness with everything I had inside. It felt like a physical battle that I simply wasn't strong enough to win. It's almost like trying to wake up from a dream when you realize you're asleep and you don't want to be anymore.

It was an uncomfortable sensation and I desperately wanted it to be over. It was the only part of the surgery that made me nervous. I had total faith in the surgeons, I knew they would do their jobs, but the drugs scared me. They are so powerful that they stopped my breathing and my heart. Machines kept me alive for hours. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the doctors who were in charge of monitoring me and the drugs flowing through my system. They have the scariest job in my opinion and they did it without any problems. They are modern day magicians. Witch doctors have come a long way since the times of spirit guides and sweat lodge operators.