Hospitals Really Do Make You Better!

It's (almost) finally here and I'm ready to go. Over the last week or so I managed to make myself pretty nervous about this operation, but today I used the magical healing power of the hospital to make myself feel a hell of a lot better. I didn't get any medication or special counseling either, all I did was have an x-ray, have some blood drawn and talk to a few nurses and doctors. It's the hospital itself that makes me feel better.

I love the way problems are treated in a hospital. My latest heart condition isn't a life threatening and dangerous situation, it's a well understood problem with an answer. Doctors and nurses talk about it the same way they would talk about an in-grown toenail. It's a well understood problem and it has a solution. They break down what the problem is (not matter how big or small), why it's a problem and how they can fix it. The solution to my current problem involves a bit more risk than an in-grown toenail, but I've been given the percentages and the odds are in my favor by a landslide. That makes me happy.

I was excited for my first surgery; ridiculously excited. I had been living with a lot of physical restrictions for 14 years and I was ready to start running, jumping and playing like a normal kid. I was tired of sitting out during activities in gym class and watching my friends play sports. I couldn't wait to try to keep up. I was excited for my second surgery too. I had been living with physical restrictions for another year and I was ready to start running, hiking and backpacking again. The surgeries meant freedom, they meant I could take part in things that I had been missing out on and they meant I didn't have to censor my behavior anymore. I never had any doubts about either of the first two operations.

I've been having doubts this time. Maybe it's because of how much of my life this surgery has changed. I had to quit my job, I had to move back home and I lost all of the plans I had been making for the next few years. Or, maybe it's because I haven't had as much time to process this situation. I had fourteen years to prepare for the first surgery, a year to prepare for the second and three weeks to get ready for this one. It's a very different situation this time.

I'm still not excited about this surgery, but I'm ready for it and I'm not nervous anymore. The people and attitudes in the hospital are a huge reason for that. Everyone I encountered today was wonderful. They talked about my surgery in a very matter of fact way and then they talked to me in a way that gave me an overwhelming sense that, "Life goes on." I am having open-heart surgery tomorrow, but life will go on. I can't help but smile when I write that.